i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
