Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
