dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
