We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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