im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
