Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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