someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
