i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I smell stomach acid.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
