ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize