5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
