I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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