he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize