i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
