I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
3 2 1 whiskey
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
