yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize