I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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