duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize