Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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