Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
