Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
