Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
