You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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