Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
