made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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