You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
