Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
