Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
