i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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