I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
