it wasn't lemon gatorade
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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