just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize