remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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