i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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