Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
