It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
