Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I skipped work to stalk him.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
