he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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