I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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