so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
