I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
