I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
