The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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