After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize