What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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