i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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