So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
