We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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