Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
