he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
