I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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