Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
