Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
