Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need a beard to bite.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
