just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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