Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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