He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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