Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
where are you?
Hypothermia
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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