your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want to make out with him forever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
