hell yes lets make some ravioli
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
