My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
