No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
