I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
