Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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