How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
