Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
