Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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