If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
