You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
