I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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