I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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