I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
