Whod you bang
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
