I should be sponsored by Trojan
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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