and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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