my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
