This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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