Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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