so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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