dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
