i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Randomize
