i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
