well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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