WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize