The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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